A Light In Dark Places, When All Other Lights Go Out

Yesterday as I was walking on the treadmill (I barely willed myself to walk, let alone run... but at least I did something active!) I was listening to my 'Motivation' playlist on my ipod. I've filled it with songs that lift my spirit, inspire, or motivate me in some way. I was in serious need of some VERY serious motivation. I'm not really depressed or anything. I've just really been deep inside my own head the last few days and the deeper you go, the darker it gets (don't worry-- there's nothing too scary down there!).

I chose a very uplifting song entitled 'Let it go' by Tim McGraw (sorry- I know I keep mentioning him, but he really DOES have some very good tunes!). This song is all about... well, letting go of the things that have been plaguing us. It was the perfect song to listen to after attending my first therapy session the night before.

Things went well in my first session. I felt comfortable with the counselor and feel very optimistic about how things are going. It was amazing how just taking that first step of meeting with her helped me find some hope. And that can make all the difference. Hope is a very powerful thing. Hope gives us the courage to keep going. To keep trudging along through the dark tunnel, even when we can't see the light at the end. Even when it feels like the tunnel has been going on and on forever and we'll never get there. Hope gets you through the toughest, darkest times... the times where you feel like you can't take one more step.

In the October 2008 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, gave a powerful talk on Hope. In it he talks about the difference between things we 'hope for' and things we 'hope in'.  You can find the full article here.

He said, “The things we hope in sustain us during our daily walk. They uphold us through trials, temptations, and sorrow. Everyone has experienced discouragement and difficulty. Indeed, there are times when the darkness may seem unbearable. It is in these times that the divine principles of the restored gospel we hope in can uphold us and carry us until, once again, we walk in the light.”

The things we 'hope for' can only get us so far, especially if those hopes remain unrealized. But if we always hold to the things that we 'hope in', we will have the strength we need to be able to endure to the end of whatever earthly trial the Lord gives us.

Here's my list of things that I 'Hope In':

-My Heavenly Father, my Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ, and The Holy Ghost

-The Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ

-My Eternal Sweetheart and loving children

-My other family members, near and far

-My friends and Ward family members

-The blessings and covenants of the Holy Temple

-The Word of God through His Prophets and Apostles

-The Holy Bible, The Book of Mormon, and other books of scripture

-The beauty of the earth that God created

-My life-- body, mind, and soul and the talents and gifts God has blessed me with

-The power and healing balm of good and uplifting music

-The goodness and kindness of others

I'm grateful that the Light of Christ shines forth in the darkness and brings me hope to help me get through my trials.

Live! From Women's Conference!

This post is coming to you live from Provo, Utah (where it snowed about 3 inches over night last night! What?! It's almost May!)  I just finished a wonderful and uplifting 2-day “Inspiration-Fest”. BYU Women's Conference never disappoints! I've missed being here so very much over the last few years. My “sister-from-another-mister” (we'll refer to her here in “blogdom” as Franny) and I had a fun-filled girl's road trip on the way here and are hoping to make this pilgrimage an annual tradition!

The Conference was fun, educational, and exhausting. Franny and I attended the Opening and Closing sessions together, but split up to attend our three individual choices of a variety of classes all being offered simultaneously each day. The classes were spread out all over campus so we did a lot of walking, including LOTS of stairs! I definitely got a work out this week!

The speakers' messages were always motivating and often entertaining. My favorite session was the very last class I attended. It was a panel of four sisters, two of which are bloggers that I follow. You can find their links right here on my blog (nienie and c.jane) and I highly recommend them! The sisters' comments were both funny and touching.

I've been very inspired by nienie (aka StephaNIE NIElsen) ever since I first heard her story. She was in a near-fatal single-engine plane crash a few years ago and was burned over 80% of her body. Stephanie is one of the most courageous and inspiring people I've ever known of. Even after many, many surgeries, her face is still disfigured, yet she bravely posts pictures of herself on her blog. Stephanie also continues to have such a positive attitude through all of her trials. She reminds me constantly to be grateful for what I have. Her faith in Jesus Christ and her testimony of the Gospel are so strong. It was such an honor to see and hear from her and her sisters in person.

One of the highlights of the Conference every year is the concert on Thursday night. This year the MC was Kirby Heyborne of “The RM” fame. He was very funny and sang a silly song about Sheri Dew. The entertainers included Hilary Weeks, Josh Wright, David Osmond, Jenny Oakes Baker, Vocal Point, Cheri Call, & April Messervy. It was amazing!

Friday's classes were book-ended by thought-provoking talks given by the Relief Society General President, Sister Julie B. Beck in the morning and one of our dear Apostles, Elder David A. Bednar at the closing session. I most definitely came away from the conference with my “spiritual pitcher” refilled!

10k?! Did I Miss A Turn Somewhere?!

The 5k I ran today started off great. The weather was perfect... not too cold and not raining (yay!). I felt good and didn't even mind that I showed up alone. The last few races I've run, I've had a “running buddy” with me (usually one of my kids I dragged along). It had been a while since I'd run at an event by myself so I was anticipating feeling lonely and left out. I noticed, however, as I ran along, that there were quite a few people running “alone”. They all planned ahead, as I did, and had their headphones on.

I train with my ipod all the time but it was the first time I'd brought it to a race. I decided I really liked it!  I feel like I ran better and harder having some jammin' tunes to distract me and also to help me keep up a good pace. I fueled this run with a mixture of up-tempo songs on shuffle, from bands such as Daughtry, Queen, Styx, The Fray, and Neon Trees. I was surprised how “Say When” by The Fray helped me pick up the pace in the last mile and “Animal” by Neon Trees brought me in to the finish line.

But before I tell you how it ended... I have to explain the title of this blog entry. I had a few scary minutes, about half-way through, when I thought I had accidentally missed a turn and was in the wrong race! This race had both a 5k and 10k. We all started together and then somewhere along the route, one group was supposed to turn off. The email I'd received prior to the race had specified which group it was, but I couldn't remember. They had the course well marked with signs, including ones being held by volunteers, to make sure we didn't get lost. We had passed a volunteer who was holding a sign and I thought I was going the right direction because I was following everyone else. A little while after that, we passed a sign telling those running the 10k to turn. It didn't say anything about the 5k. I started to panic thinking that maybe I was supposed to have turned at the previous sign.

For several very stressful minutes, I thought I had accidentally gotten myself into a 10k race! Thoughts started flooding my mind as I was looking around me trying to figure out if the people I was running with looked like elite enough runners to do a 10k. I was trying to think back to that previous sign and what direction the arrow was pointing. I was trying to decided if I should keep going and try to finish a 10k (with walking, of course!) or if I should turn around and go back. I thought about asking someone as they passed me, but they had headphones on! Then, just as I was really starting to freak out, I see a volunteer up ahead, holding TWO signs, one for each race. Whew... was I ever relieved!

The 5k runners turned right and the others kept going straight. I couldn't help but think, as I turned that corner, and watched my counterparts continue to run a much longer race than me, “So long, suckers!” I was SO happy that I only had to run 3 miles instead of 6, it made the race so much easier to get through! I managed to run the WHOLE thing (other than one brief walk at the hydration station-- it's WAY too hard to drink water while running!). About the last half mile, my legs started feeling like lead weights and I wasn't sure I was going to make it. A couple girls ahead of me started walking at this point and I was Soooo tempted, but I knew we were close and I wanted SO badly to run the whole way. Then I turned a corner and saw the finish line! I knew I was gonna make it!

By this point I was quite tired, my legs hurt, and I was breathing really hard. I was thinking that I was actually glad I hadn't brought a running buddy with me. That way I didn't have to worry about feeling obligated to talk to someone when I could barely breathe! I really thought I was just gonna lope along and drag myself across the finish line. As I got a little closer I could see the time clock and what I first noticed was that it was still in the 30's. Then I noticed it wasn't to 35 minutes yet! I'd never finished a race in less than 35 minutes before. I think my best time prior to this race was 38. The clock turned over to 34 and I decided to put on the gas. I wanted to cross that finish line before it hit 35 and I did it! My official time was 34:27! I was so proud!

It's such a great feeling to finish a race anyway, but especially running the whole way, and pushing myself at the end when it was getting hard. Oh yeah... and it doesn't hurt to have complete strangers clapping and cheering for you at the end, either!

Why I run

I got out and ran both Tuesday and yesterday. Both runs went really well-- much better than my run on Saturday. My hip held out and I can feel my endurance increasing. I managed to get out in the Spring sunshine both days. I have run on a treadmill all winter because I hate to go out in the cold and wet so it felt really nice to get outside and feel the warmth of the sun again.

Tuesday's run was brought to me in part by Duran Duran (the other parts being perseverance and sunshine!).   Yesterday's run was fueled by Keith Urban.  I ran a little over 2 miles both days (which included hills, I might add) and I only had to take 3 very short walking breaks each time.  I'm still not sure I'm going to be able to run the whole 5k next week, but I'm okay with that.  I may be run/walk-ing it, but I'm going to enjoy it all the same!  All in all, they were really good runs both days.  It reignited my fire and reminded me why I love running.

Speaking of my love of running, as previously promised, here is a list of many of the reasons I run.  It's probably not going to be an all inclusive list since I'll probably forget some reasons, but it will probably be pretty close.

-It makes me feel like an athlete, for the first time in my life (I did not play organized sports as a kid)
-I love the "runner's high"
-While I'm running I feel free, fit, young, and light as air
-Not only do you burn massive amounts of calories during a run, but your body continues to burn calories for hours after you've stopped running
-I can listen to the music I want to listen to (with no children complaining about it)
-It motivates me to eat healthier
-I can do it indoors on a treadmill and watch TV or outdoors and enjoy the scenery
-I feel such a sense of accomplishment and personal pride, especially after completing a race
-I'm not competing against anybody but myself and I challenge myself to get better and better
-It gives me time to think and helps me clear my head
-It's a great stress buster
-It's something I do just for me, by myself, because I deserve to make myself a priority and I love to get out of the house and just have some 'me' time

-The running community is made up of people of all different shapes, sizes, and ages and they are not only non-discriminatory, but so supportive and encouraging of anyone who even attempts running

-Someday I want to be one of those fit senior citizens you see running down the road or in races (they inspire me SO much!)

-I'm not only allowed to eat more, the more miles I run, but I'm supposed to!
-CARBS! Best part of being a runner is that you NEED carbs to fuel your muscles. It's not just highly recommended-- it's required! I LOVE CARBS, therefore I LOVE RUNNING!